I finally got a tarot card reading from my friend. It made alot of sense to me. It told me that this summer, love wouldn't work out so well for me. I should still go for it and use that as knowledge for myself in the future. I decided to send Mr.100 an email. It was like a closure email to myself. No more looking for love between Mr.100 and I. I just need friendship. I do not feel like I have time for love anyways. There's like 3 guys who are interested & yet, I do not feel any interest for them. Why is that? It's because I am too busy working. The tarot reading revealed that I was very unbalanced this summer. I totally agree. Working two jobs & having a DJ spot this summer is becoming very stressful. I barely have enough sleep. No alcohol fun @ all. I can't drink because I know I won't get good rest for the next day.
And, I finally feel PMS. After all these years of thinking "I don't PMS", this month, I finally understand & feel it too. Gotta keep my head up and unstressed because that is the only way I can think of to not get the female monthly PMS syndrome. fuck that shit.
Hopefully, Mr.100 will return an email because I feel very professional about sending a "let's be friends" email on a Friday night.
<3 EStherbaby.
And P.S. sorry for the lack of photos. Will post up past two weeks of shopping sprees tomorrow! PROMISE!
Guess what? I was running through FB and i randomly saw him online so I click his profile. Mr.100's profile is plagued by this girl on his ass. Yes, and they hung out the WHOLE weekend. His bullshit email said he was more free AFTER this weekend. Of course he is more free after this weekend!! I swear to God I will play his game if he ever contacts me. I'm not going to bring it up because I do not want drama. I just want to feel the satisfaction of his sadness. Mr.100, I will play you back. Just watch out.
As for finding another Mr.100, possibly. I'm not in the mood for a man in my life. I work every day of the week now and to have another dramatic item in my life might be the worst decision ever. So, finding another Mr.100 will not be in session.
And for making a Mr.100 fall in love with me, we will see throughout this summer if another is a potential.
But, currently, Mr.$$ IS my favorite man of the month. Especially Benjamin Franklin ;D I went shopping like CRAZY in the last two weeks. Will post pictures up for viewing in another day or so! :) Watch for it!
You know what? I deleted Mr.100's number. I need to delete all his stuff. I was talking to one of my close female friends. First thing, we questioned ALOT of stuff, maybe because it was 9am and you don't do much except think about things, especially THAT early in the morning. Secondly, here's what we talked about:
1)Why did he send me an email and not a text? She told me, which this was a very correct answer, he did not want to be confrontational and he didn't want to deal with my response on my phone. Very true. But he told me, he sent me an email because he was in a rush. Which one sounds like the truth? I feel like BOTH. I don't really know the answer to why an email and why not a text or a phone call?
2)Was he THAT busy to not even text through the whole week? close female friend said: it's because he's BUSY & when he wasn't "busy", he was preoccupied with texting other other girls. This completely makes sense to me. But when I think bout it from a guy's perspective, it can be that he was busy and he didn't want to text. Both these perspectives make so much sense. I don't know what to do. If he's preoccupied with other girls, there's no use for me to TRY to be his only option.
The only thing I can do is get over this shit & look for other guys. OR, stay single and be happy. I've deleted most of Mr.100's contacts, including AIM & phone #. I'm too scared to delete his FB(Facebook) because I'm worried about a lot of things... (What if he is just being a guy and ... was sincere about being busy? He might not be playing me? He might be interested still? I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.)
I actually find it hard to keep track of what day it really is in this series. I think I want to promote this blog more but I'm worried if Mr.100 finds out. There's only about 6followers of this blog so I can't really ask for comments or any suggestions of this issue.
Anyways, the lesson of today: Stay busy to keep your mind off of things. You know why? Because if he isn't contacting you, he's mostly likely busy too. Why use your free time to think about unnecessary things when it's so lame to do so? Keep yourself busy.
For example, look @ my schedule: Monday, work all day. Tuesday, work in the morning then drive to SF for FUN with AACCE group. Wednesday, Have dim sum with AACCE before I leave for SJ to work. Nap for a bit because Thurs will be a tiresome day. Work @ 6pm til 12am. Get home and sleep by 1am. Wake up by 4:30am for my Thurs DJ show @ 6am - 10pm. Work again @ 12pm til 9pm. Bowling til Fri morning. Lots of sleep & then go out before work @ 445pm - 10pm Fri night. Crazy right? It's only 5 days worth of things to do.
Keep yourself busy but NOT too busy. Make sure you do have one or two days with more than 6 hrs of break to relax and not overwork yourself. <3 your body, right? :)
Anyways, doing my DJ show right now while updating this! Thursdays morning 6-10am on 90.5FM KSJS (or listen live @ ksjs.org -> live streaming link) for PURPLE, RAINBOWS, & UNICORNS! :) Facebook & add my page for DJ Pastel -> & to find me, find an asian girl on the profile pic! YEEEHHH!
Day 2: Okay, speaking to a close male friend of mine I've decided to make this a series and not the topic of discussion for my whole blog. Because 1) if Mr.100 does see this, he would be HELLA pissed & not pleased about it. 2) He probably would know that I'm using him as an example & what if, WHAT IF, he does get together with me and he sees this? BAD IDEA!
So, this would be one of the series that I will be doing on my blog. Along with makeup (which I already used to do) & other random topics.
So lesson for today is to NOT get caught about talking about the guy you are experimenting a project on. OR if you do get caught & he is reading about this right now -- HI! :) JK-> he probably won't read this blog or anything else blog related because he's not a stalker. And if he does get pissed off, there is nothing to be pissed off about because i like you? :)
gosh.
this brings me to the next point. make sure u dont fall in love with the guy before he falls in love with you. cause you are just making a ditch for yourself to fall into if he never falls in love with you. FUCK THAT SHIT, right? so, don't ever fall in love first or you're gonna be miserable...
Last night as I was playing pool @ South 1st billiards, my girlfriends & I debated on something. Can you make a guy fall in love with you? And if you can, HOW so?
As my love life is totally non existent right now, i debated with her, I CAN / I WILL make a guy fall in love with me. That's why I am changing this blog's theme to "how to make a guy fall in love with you in 100days" JUST FOR THE SUMMER. The summer is 100 days. Who will I be experimenting with? I think we will call him "Mr.100" Names will not be disclosed due to humiliation and possibly private & steamy blogging material.
And as for the main character of this blog series, I probably still need to find a guy. As I was thinking of who this main character will be, I will just use the character in my previous entry. *wink
Anyways, Mr.100 just emailed me last night apologizing about being MIA after a week. Rule #1: Apologize too. Because no matter what, you probably did something (wrong) to make him MIA for a week.
Gotta go, I'll update this in a couple of days. I'll wait for him to message me again ;D.
Possibly, not alot of people know about this blog anyways :) Too little followers so its okay to talk bout personal stuff on this blog.
Anyways, as you know, I've been single for over a year and a half already. It's like damn...Outta the game & still outta the game, but somehow I got over having someone to cuddle with at night & I got over having someone to talk to all the time about my personal problems & I got over having to miss that person or even having to report back to them about my day & such.
It's been over a year. Why do I not feel the need to HAVE THAT? Is there something wrong with me? I don't know if my past serious relationship really hit me that hard to the point where I only feel like I can only depend on myself to make MYSELF happy. Maybe it's the fact that I can't get over how unhappy someone else can make you feel and they aren't even related to you. After that last serious relationship, I can't take guys seriously. To be honest, I think like a GUY because I want to relate and understand all my male friends, gay or straight.
Girls and my male friend's girlfriends ANNOY the fuck outta me. It's like why the fuck would you act that way? I don't understand why it's even that big of a deal. Guys need freedom and girls always take that freedom away. Naggy and drama girls are the worst type of girlfriends yet most of my male friends HAVE that type of girlfriend. And one thing you need to know about guys is that guys don't talk to each other about emotional problems. Girls can go on & on & on x1000 about the SAME issue the WHOLE entire night.
This is why I hate being a girl. I understand & I don't mean to be that type of naggy/problematic girl but sometimes, being a female & having a female personality gets the best of me. I sometimes do bring the girl part of me into a friendship relationship with a male because I am having a bad day or I need to talk.
But girls who do that 24/7 in a relationship need to shut the FUCK up & leave. -------- So as I'm sitting here with a beer next to my laptop, (who drinks coffee anymore anyways?), I need to u-turn back to my main point, WHY am I single & NOT looking? Until recently, I was sort of/ maybe/ possibly/ not 100% sure but was being chased by a boy. Well, I can say, probably a man cause he is like ... late 20s. And to be honest, I did fall a little for him. But, did he fall for me? As a girl, I would say no. But thinking like a guy, I would say maybe. Why?
Let me list a couple reasons from a male's and female's POVS: Females: 1) He doesn't call or text randomly which shows he's not thinking about her. 2) He doesn't show any interest unless the female makes the move first. 3) He probably just wants to get in my pants for the ride and then move on. 4) He's not like the words of a book where you can just read it, he's more like the cover of a book which says nothing about the interior of a book. 5) He hasn't kissed or held hands yet.
Males: 1) Super busy & doesn't feel the need to text or call until he is free. 2) Not even in a relationship yet so why would you constantly talk to her? 3) Is interested in the girl but has many other options that he's willing to explore. 4) Shy &/or is playing the hard to get game. 5) Doesn't want to make time for something that probably won't exist.
Okay. I'm definitely not an expert on love & relationships. (DUH! Look @ my history) but these are all legitimate reasons for what goes through both the minds of females & males. Posted these thoughts & given that I've taken most opinions from girls & guys.
Guys who gave me opinions on how to deal with this type of thing is: 1) Make the guy fall in love with you. 2) Don't bring drama into the friendship/relationship. 3) Don't sleep or fuck the guy if you want friendship/serious relationship. 4) ALWAYS HAVE FUN. & lastly 5) EAT& COOK FOOD.
At last we move on, and onto my third beer of the night, all I gotta say is that I'm not going to make time for a guy who can't even make time for me. Anybody who is seriously interested in me should/would make time for me because I WILL make time for anybody who makes time for me (unless I'm @ work).
P.S.- I need to turn lesbian ASAP or if you got any hot guy friends who's interested in a 21 short haired asian female who likes to have fun & do random things all the time, HOLLER @ ME PLEASE! :)
P.S.S.- &If you are the guy who is interested in me & is reading this, why the heck are you lurking/stalking my blog/pages?
New Pictures (as a present to those who have read through the whole post!)
